Keep Marching On
by Lieselot
Summary: A terrible secret from Tony's past comes to light when a convicted child murderer escapes prison. Watch as Tony struggles to hold on as Gibbs tries to help him overcome his nightmares. Warning child abuse! Rated M because of subject matter.
1. Chapter 1

**Keep Marching On**

**Chapter 1**

Senior field agent Anthony DiNozzo had a bad feeling as he walked into NCIS headquarters on Monday morning, though he hid it well behind those masks he wore so exceptionally well each day. Even after so many years, it still amazed him no one saw through them – well, Gibbs probably did, but then again, what didn't Gibbs know – saw the real him. Today, he needed his masks more than on normal days, he could just feel it in his gut that something was happening, something bad, he just didn't know what.

"Good morning, McGoogle, Zee-va!" He exclaimed happily as he walked into the bullpen, showing nothing of his troubling thought. Sometimes he really thought he should have gone into acting; he was just too good at it.

"Tony," They both acknowledged him with a brief nod his direction before going back to whatever paperwork they were doing that day. It had been oddly calm that week – only one murder-case and they'd solved it in less than a day – like the calm before the storm.

"Gibbs not in yet?" He asked, only to be hit on the hit from behind; he groaned, more out of habit than anything else.

"You're late, DiNozzo."

"Sorry, boss."

By 10am, Tony was feeling more and more restless, and it was getting harder by the minute to hide his agitation from the team. Finally, he stood up.

"Where do you think you're going, DiNozzo?" Gibbs questioned.

"The head, boss," Tony replied instantly as he began to walk towards the facilities, but he wasn't even halfway there when the ding of the elevator halted his movements for reasons unknown to him. He felt it was important to know whoever was in the elevator.

As they stepped out, it didn't take a genius to figure out that the 3 men were FBI, especially since one of them was Fornell. Gibbs stood up and made his way toward Fornell, Tony watching their every move, as were Ziva and McGee.

"Got lost, Fornell?" Gibbs asked, taking a sip of his coffee, not even bothering to look at the two other agents, rookies, from the looks of it.

"I'm here on official business, Gibbs," Fornell replied, wearing that same smug smirk on his face as he usually had when confronted with Gibbs. Tony would swear that they were secretly friends and the whole hating each other deal was purely for show. He often wondered if the others saw through their charade as well.

"Really, and what official business might that be?" Gibbs countered.

"I'm here to talk to DiNuzzo," Fornell said, saying Tony's name in that usual way that made Tony want to rip his head off. However, he hardly registered that at the time, all he could think about was how the FBI wanted to talk to him, again. Were they here to accuse him of murder… again?

Tony put on his famous DiNozzo charm and stepped forward, "FBI just can't get enough of me, huh. It's okay, I understand, I know I am simply irresistible, impossible to stay away from, too goo-" He was cut off from his ranting by another Gibbs slap.

"Thank you, boss," He grunted.

"You think you have an interrogation room free for us, Gibbs?" Fornell turned to Gibbs, pointedly ignoring all that Tony had just said, as well as the curious stares from McGee and Ziva who had stepped behind Gibbs to hear the conversation better. Tony was bothered by the fact that they wanted to conduct an official interview, but didn't let them see it.

"Not unless you tell me what this is about, Tobias," Gibbs said.

"You'll just have to wait and see, Jethro. Now, how about that room?"

-X-X-

"What do they think Tony did this time, boss?" McGee asked as he stared through the glass at his friend and colleague, looking relaxed as ever as he sat in the interrogation room on the suspects side. Fornell had agreed to let them watch from the observation room, but wouldn't tell them anything else.

Gibbs didn't reply; he just shared a look with both Ziva and McGee, making them realize that something in Gibbs' gut didn't sit right with this. Fornell walked in, and they knew that they could only watch, for now.

-X-X-

For a while, Fornell and Tony simply stared at each other, not saying a word, until Tony broke the silence.

"If you wanted to stare into my pretty little eyes, Fornell, all you had to do was ask." Tony wiggled his eyebrows suggestively toward the FBI agent, who, for all his credit, didn't even blink.

"Always the joker, DiNuzzo," Fornell said in reply, Tony shrugged. Something in Tony's posture must have shown he wasn't as comfortable as he pretended to be, because when Fornell spoke next, he kind of caught Tony off guard.

"Relax, Tony, you're not in any trouble."

Tony sat up straight, eyes hard, his 'joker' routine forgotten for the moment as he contemplated that statement.

"Then why am I here?" Tony asked.

Fornell placed a photograph on the table and as much as Tony tried to keep his body from reacting, his muscles tensed up, his jaw clenched and his eyes darkened.

"You know him, DiNuzzo?" Fornell asked casually, as if he hadn't been observing Tony's reaction.

"He seems… vaguely familiar," Tony said; which was quite the understatement. The man – if he could even be called that – was a permanent fixture in Tony's nightmares every other night.

"Only vaguely? He was your piano teacher from when you were 4 until you were 12, was he not?" Tony didn't reply, so Fornell continued. "I'd say that's a bit more than vaguely familiar, DiNuzzo." Tony still didn't reply, fearing he'd say the wrong thing and blow his secret through the roof if he did.

"Your former piano teacher, Andrew Harper, was, up until three weeks ago, imprisoned at the federal penitentiary of DC, until he escaped." Tony clenched his fists, but still didn't speak. The only thing going through his head was that this was not happening; it couldn't be happening.

-X-X-

"I do not like this, Gibbs," Ziva said from behind the observation glass. They could all see how stiff Tony sat, how tense he became when Fornell placed the photograph on the table for Tony to see.

Gibbs merely grunted, too fixated on his senior field agent to reply. He knew little of Tony's past, but from the small comments he'd heard during the years, he'd surmised it hadn't been a picnic. He was worried about what was happening, and what it would do to his surrogate son. He doubted it'd be any good.

-X-X-

"Aren't you in the least bit interested why the man who worked with you on a daily bases for 8 years was serving a life sentence in prison?" Fornell asked; truthfully, he regretted having to do this, having to break the agent before him in order to get him to help, but the order had come from high up, he had no choice but to follow it through. The only reason he was allowing Gibbs and the two other agents to help was because he hoped they'd be able to fix what he'd break. That is, if he was able to break him.

"No." The answer was short and to the point, as well as laced with anger, fear and disgust. No, Tony didn't want to know, because he knew whatever the reason was, it happened because of him and the secret he'd kept for all these years. It happened because he was silent when he should have been loud.

"I see. You know what, I'll tell you anyway," Fornell started, then proceeded by laying a photograph of a 12 year old Anthony DiNozzo on the table; Tony frowned but still said nothing, not even when Fornell placed another picture of a young boy bearing a huge resemblance to a young Tony on the table.

"Looks like you, doesn't he? His name was Anton DiMarro, Tony to his friends. He was 11 years old."

"He's dead?" Tony finally asked after swallowing the lump in his throat.

"Yes, died 13 years ago. Murdered, actually. Any guesses who killed him?" Fornell looked up at Tony, but Tony's eyes were fixed on the picture of himself and the boy who looked so much like him, who's name was so similar to his own.

"13 years ago, Andrew Harper kidnapped this boy on his way home from school. He tortured and raped little Anton DiMarro for 3 weeks and in the end, he bashed his head in. Turns out, he was the boy's piano teacher, had been for several months before he snapped. We caught him and in the end he was sentenced to life in prison. Case closed. Now, he's escaped, probably waiting to strike again…"

Tony finally looked up at Fornell, his eyes showing no emotion whatsoever. "I don't see what this has to do with me."

"Now we both know that's a lie, DiNuzzo. How long are you going to keep quiet about what happened? How many more deaths do there have to be for you to tell the truth?" Fornell knew he was acting like a jackass, but also knew he had no choice. He could see he was getting to the agent, cruelty was key in this case, it seemed.

"He… I didn't… this wasn't my fault," Tony sounded so defeated and it was clear that he didn't believe the words he was speaking.

"Wasn't it? Are you telling me there was nothing you could have done to prevent this little boy's death? Nothing you could have told?"

"No," Tony choked out, his eyes watering, but refusing to let any tears fall, to show any weakness.

"I don't believe you, DiNuzzo. You let that boy die, you might as well have killed him yourself."

"No," Tony moaned, his head in his hands.

"Your silence killed this boy and you know it. No one knew, you never said anything, never asked for help. Did you even want it to stop? Did you enjoy what Harper did to you?" Fornell pushed and pushed, until finally Tony snapped.

Tony slammed his fist into the table, eyes raging and out of focus, mind lost in the past as he shouted at Fornell, "I did tell, you bastard! My father! My doctor! Hell, even the fucking housekeep! They all knew! They didn't fucking care! They killed that boy! Their silence, not mine!"

Tony's eyes were wide with shock, sadness, anger, fear and many other emotions as he realized what he'd said, what he'd admitted too. But then he realized he didn't reveal a damn thing, Fornell already knew, he just wanted Tony to admit to it.

"You already knew," Tony whispered, his voice sounded as broken as he appeared to be.

"Yes, I knew. When Harper escaped, we combed over every inch of his past, trying to determine if what he did to Anton DiMarro was a one time occurrence or if it'd happened before. Turns out, DiMarro was simply the first he'd kidnapped and killed. Before him, he'd raped 5 other boys in different part of the country, repeatedly, over a period of months, before disappearing when he feared the boys might crack and talk. All the boys had in common was that they were between 10 and 12 years old, they all bore the same appearance to DiMarro and that they were all dubbed the nickname Tony."

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Tony muttered, unaware that Fornell, as well as those observing behind the glass, had heard the comment. Fornell sighed, but continued his mission nonetheless.

"We went through every inch of Harper's life, and eventually, we found out where he started, whom he started with. It was easy for him, wasn't it? He needn't worry about anyone finding out, or you telling anyone, because they didn't care or they were paid to turn a blind eye, maybe even threatened."

"I smashed everything in the house. My father was so damn angry he did what he'd always threatened to do and sent me off to military school in a fit of blind rage. Never realized it was what I'd been aiming for, the bastard," Tony said, speaking more to himself than to Fornell. He was in his own world now, a world filled with nothing but terror and pain.

"You got away. You were smart." Fornell felt he had to compliment the agent, tell him something that wasn't designed to hurt him; it seemed as if Tony didn't hear, or simply ignored the statement.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Tony's voice sounded so small, so child like and innocent that Fornell couldn't help but shiver.

"Because we need your help."

-X-X-

Behind the glass, Ziva, McGee and Gibbs watched in shock, unaware that the secret Tony had been hiding all these years was so big, so destructive, so heartbreaking. He'd always hidden his true self, his pain, so well behind those masks he always wore. They'd never suspected that the past he'd buried so deeply within himself was something like this. It just didn't seem possible.

When Tony admitted what happened – even if he didn't say so in exact wording, it was as much of admitting as could be at the time – Gibbs had felt his heart break. When Tony asked Fornell why he was doing this to him, his voice so small, so broken; he'd felt his heart shatter into a thousand little pieces. And he knew that this was only the beginning, that he'd feel his heart break and shatter several more times before the day was over.

TO BE CONTINUED


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"From what we can tell, Harper was and still is obsessed with you, DiNuzzo. He searches for boys bearing your resemblance, your nickname, probably your hobbies as well."

"Then I guess you know what to look for," Tony intercepted, his tone hollow, empty, sending shivers down Fornell's spine.

"You know that would take too long. We need to find him sooner than later; that's where you come in," Fornell said, pausing briefly to see if Tony would speak, but Tony seemed to have shut down; it didn't look like he'd be saying much of anything anymore right now.

"You know Harper, DiNuzzo. You were with him on a daily bases during an 8 year long period, far longer than the few months he spend with the others. I need to know what happened all those years ago, what he did, the things he said, any secrets he may have unknowingly revealed. I need to know it all," Fornell said, sighing when Tony showed no outward reaction to what he'd said. Fornell had seen this before; victims of abuse retreating into the depths of their minds to avoid what happened. Though this was the first time he had to drag up something like this that happened so long ago. He wondered if the agent had ever truly dealt with the events from the past, or if he'd simply locked them away in his mind, opting to pretend it had never happened.

"Anytime you're ready, DiNuzzo."

-X-X-

"I think Tony has been broken," Ziva said as she looked at her partner from behind the glass with sad eyes. Everything she thought she'd known about him had turned out to be completely wrong and she deeply regretted saying some of the things she'd said to him in the past, even though he gave as good as he got.

McGee, at a loss for words and scared of the brewing anger he could see rising in Gibbs, opted to stay quiet; there was no need to point out the obvious. Yes, Tony had been broken, they could all see it. McGee just hoped they'd be able to put him back together when this was all over.

Gibbs was angry; pissed off with Fornell and the FBI for doing this to his agent, pissed off at the guy who hurt Tony so badly and most of all, disappointed and hurt that Tony had never trusted him enough to tell him. He thought the two of them had agreed that there would be no more secrets between them, they'd both promised – it seems only Gibbs kept his promise.

"The hell he is!" Ziva and McGee jumped when Gibbs suddenly snapped and headed out of the room, only to appear in the interrogation room seconds later. They saw Fornell's annoyed face and how Tony seemed to shrink back in his seat, refusing to look up.

-X-X-

Tony shrank back in his seat when the door opened, afraid of what was to come. He knew who it was; how could he not? He'd known from the start that Gibbs would walk in at one point sooner or later, he just hadn't known when. Honestly, he thought it would've taken longer, thought that Gibbs would be so pissed at him for lying that he'd let him suffer for as long as possible.

"You're done for the day, Tobias. Get out," Gibbs said, his voice low and threatening. Tony looked up – at Fornell only – and saw the FBI thinking things over. In the end, it seemed as if Gibbs had won as Fornell abruptly nodded and left the interrogation room after throwing Tony one last look that promised he'd be back.

Gibbs sighed as he turned his gaze on Tony, who was refusing to look at him, opting to keep his eyes fixated on his hands.

"Lets get you home," Gibbs said, hauling Tony up by his arm as it seemed he wasn't about to move on his own any time soon. There was no sign of Ziva or McGee as Gibbs dragged Tony out of the interrogation room, for which they were both grateful.

-X-X

Gibbs turned the engine off in silence, but made no move to get out of the car yet. He was worried, more than worried, part of him was terrified. Tony hadn't said a word since they left interrogation, not even a peep, and that simply wasn't Tony. Tony was loud, always talking, no matter what situation he was in. If he was happy, he was loud. If he was sad, he was still loud to hide the fact that he was sad. If he was scared, he was loud. Simply put, Tony was never ever quiet. But he was now, and Gibbs had no idea what to do, how to handle this Tony.

Eventually, after more minutes of horrific silence, Gibbs got out of the car, and thankfully Tony followed his lead; he'd been afraid he'd have to help him again as he had to do when they got in the car.

They walked in silence, not toward the living room, but toward the basement, where the bourbon Gibbs knew they would need was waiting for them. Tony sat down on the bottom step of the stairs, watching Gibbs move around in silence. He knew his behavior was unnerving to Gibbs, but frankly, he had no idea what to say or how to act. The one secret he never wanted anyone to find out – especially after what happened when people had found out while it was happening – had come out and he didn't know how to deal, what to do.

He wanted to forget that anything ever happened to him, not recount every single one of those horrifying moments for everyone to hear. And he especially didn't want Gibbs to know, or hear; too many questions would come up. Questions about his scars which only Gibbs knew of and of which Tony had almost always lied about. The only time Tony had told the truth about his scars was when they were work related; though he suspected Gibbs had known there was more that Tony hadn't told.

Gibbs handed Tony a glass of bourbon – one of the only glasses he kept in his basement because he knew Tony preferred to drink in an actual glass – which Tony gratefully accepted though he didn't immediately drink; Gibbs sat down on the step next to Tony.

"You never told me." It was softly spoken, the words filled with hurt and betrayal. Tony couldn't help but flinch, it was rare to hear Gibbs speak in such a manner and he never liked it. "Why?" It was only a one word question but it was extremely important, Tony knew, he just wasn't sure how to answer, or if he wanted to answer, so he remained silent.

"Talk to me, Tony…," Gibbs paused, "please." Everyone knew it didn't happen often that Gibbs said the word 'please', and when he did, you simply couldn't refuse him.

"I… I was scared. Still am, I guess."

"Of me?"

"What? No, of course not! I could never be scared of you!" Tony exclaimed, affronted Gibbs could even think that. He was scared of many things, but not Gibbs, never Gibbs.

"What are you scared of?" Gibbs was speaking in soft, gentle tones; the kind he only used when he was alone with Tony and Tony felt himself unwind a bit. He knew his fear was irrational, he just needed to hear Gibbs say that, and in order to hear that, he needed to tell Gibbs.

"I'm scared you'll hate me," Tony started and found that once he began, he couldn't stop, he had to throw it all out there at once or he'd never do it, "that you'll be disgusted by me, kick me off the team. I'm scared you won't love me anymore." The last part was said in a low whisper, barely audible but Gibbs heard it nonetheless and sighed. He was angry and sad that Tony would think so little of him, but the logical part of him knew that this wasn't about him, it was about Tony and his insecurities, his fears.

He put his hands on either side of Tony's face and turned him so he was staring directly into his eyes.

"I could _never _stop loving you, Tony. I should head slap you for even thinking that. I love you, no matter what. Nothing's going to change that, especially not something you had no control over, something that wasn't your fault at all."

Tears were swimming in Tony's eyes by the time Gibbs had finished his speech and Gibbs wrapped him arms around his senior field agent and held him close, feeling Tony's resistance at showing his emotions.

"It's okay Tony, just let it out. I've got your six." With those words, the tears started to flow, slowly, silently at first, but soon they turned into full blown sobs. Gibbs just whispered soothing words at him, rubbing comforting circles on his back. Gibbs knew they still needed to talk, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it right now, it would feel too cruel. He knew there was a serial rapist/killer on the loose that needed to be caught as soon as possible, but he wasn't about to risk Tony's sanity to catch the bastard a few days sooner. He'd have Tony's six, all the way.

TO BE CONTINUED


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

It felt like forever to Gibbs for Tony's tears to subside, while in reality it was only an hour or so, maybe two. He held on to his surrogate son long after he'd stopped crying, just offering him all the love and comfort he could through this one small action he knew meant the world to Tony.

Eventually, Tony pulled away from Gibbs with a small smile, wondering – as always – why Gibbs couldn't be his real father, knowing his childhood wouldn't have been nearly as fucked up as it was if he had Gibbs as a father. Gibbs would've never let anyone hurt him, he was sure of that.

The relationship Gibbs and Tony shared outside the office was a unique one; yes, Gibbs cared for all his agents (and Abby) like a father, but Tony was the only one he showed it to outside the office, the special one. Gibbs really felt as if Tony was his son, as if he'd always meant to be his son, no one else's. The first time Gibbs and Tony admitted to one an other what they felt was when Tony had gotten ill with the plague, a terrifying time for both of them.

"You know Fornell will be back in the morning. He'll push you to talk about it."

"I know," Tony sighed after a long pause of silence stretched between them again.

"Do you want to talk to me about it, first? It might make it… easier," Gibbs said, knowing that nothing about this was going to be easy, but maybe the comfort of talking to Gibbs would offer some solace.

"No. I-I can't talk about it twice, once is already too much. But maybe, tomorrow, when Fornell comes, you could stay with me?" Tony trailed off, uneasy… He knew Gibbs had no problem showing his emotions for Tony outside the office, but they'd both agreed that it would stay outside of the office, so Gibbs wouldn't ruin his tough guy reputation. It was probably false hope that Gibbs would stay with him tomorrow, he just couldn't help but ask.

"If that's what you want, off course I'll stay," Gibbs replied instantly and Tony rewarded him with a tiny smile – not a fake larger than life smile he gave everyday at the office, but a real, honest to god Tony smile.

"You should go upstairs, get some sleep," Gibbs said, and Tony agreed without arguing for once – he was almost dead on his feet. Tony had his own bedroom at Gibbs' house, for whenever he felt like he didn't want to be alone (which was most of the time). The bedroom used to be Kelly's, but Gibbs had finally let go off her and reformed the bedroom into Tony's after he had the plague. Contrary to popular belief, Tony had always known about Kelly and Shannon, thanks to the background search on Gibbs he did when they first worked a case together back in Baltimore; they'd just never mentioned it in the office, not even when Gibbs was blown up and the rest of the team found out – Tony never mentioned he'd always known, because it simply wasn't his place to.

-X-X-

Tony and Gibbs were exhausted the next day; Tony kept having horrible nightmares that kept Gibbs awake all through the night. Eventually, around 4am they'd decided to just get ready for the day because neither of them were getting any sleep anyway.

Tony's nerves were killing him once they were riding up in the elevator, wondering what Probie and Ziva were thinking of him now, wondering how many of the office had heard about yesterday's events – because he knew it was only a matter of time before something like this became the hottest new gossip item; it was impossible to keep this a secret.

Gibbs hit the emergency switch. "Calm down, Tony. Ziva and McGee aren't in yet, and when they are, they won't say a damn word if they know what's good for them. Abby, well, she'll just give you a hug when she finds out. Ducky will be his grandfatherly self and Palmer his awkward self and anyone else can go to hell. Everyone important will stand by you."

"So you agree that everyone else will find out?" Tony chose to say, not commenting on anything else Gibbs had said; Gibbs sighed.

"Probably. Don't know when they'll know, but they'll know sometime. Just act like you can't hear or see them if anyone starts giving you grief, alright?"

Tony nodded, lacking his usual confidence, and Gibbs flipped the switch back on, waiting out the elevator ride with calm patience as opposed to Tony who looked just about ready to go bouncing off the walls.

Even though Tony and Gibbs had been awake nearly all night, they were practically the last ones in the office. Tony had wanted to avoid coming in for as long as possible and Gibbs had obliged, only ordering him to get ready for work once 8 o'clock had come. It was nearly 9 now.

"Good morning," Both Ziva and McGee greeted once they entered the bullpen – and as far as Tony and Gibbs could tell, the events of yesterday had remained a secret from the rest of the agency, so far – not even commenting on the fact that they were late.

"Fornell here?" Gibbs asked, keeping a firm hand on Tony's shoulder, offering all the comfort he could in this open environment.

"He's down in interrogation waiting for Tony," Ziva said, looking straight at Gibbs. It seemed as if she and McGee were doing their best to act normal, but they were avoiding looking directly at Tony, as if they were scared he'd break if they did. Tony's eyes grew duller with the realization that even his two teammates would never look at him the same wait.

"Wait for me in the elevator," Gibbs instructed Tony, who just did as he was told, no objections whatsoever. Once Tony was gone, Gibbs turned to Ziva and McGee with a deadly glare.

"What the hell do you two think you're doing?" He hissed toward a confused Ziva and a scared McGee.

"W-we were just trying to a-act normal, B-Boss," McGee stammered; he hadn't been this frazzled by Gibbs in a long time.

"Normal? So you two avoiding looking or even speaking to DiNozzo constitutes normal behavior? You two need to get your acts together and stop avoiding DiNozzo like the damn plague or I can guarantee that neither of you will be on this team for much longer."

Gibbs walked away, leaving a stunned and slightly ashamed Ziva and McGee behind; they had barely realized that their actions were making things worse for Tony.

"Guess I'll have to ask for a transfer now, if anyone will even have me when news gets out," Tony mumbled once Gibbs stepped inside the elevator. Gibbs gave him a head slap to remember.

"Don't say stupid things, Tony. Ziva and McGee are idiots, they thought they were making the situation better by ignoring what happened yesterday. They won't do it again or they'll be the ones transferring."

-X-X-

"Is it really necessary to have the camera's on?" Tony grumbled, his eyes on the offending red light on the camera. Gibbs, seated next to him, just kept his hand on Tony's shoulder, ready to put an end to this when he saw fit to.

"As this is an ongoing investigation, DiNuzzo, yes it is," Fornell replied and Gibbs could feel Tony's muscles tense underneath his hand; he glared at Fornell.

"Look, I realize this can't be easy, so I'll hold off on the questioning for now, show you what I've gathered so far. 'You okay with that?"

"Do I have a choice?" Tony countered, but Fornell chose to ignore that comments, instead he pulled out a thick file and started reading what was in it.

"This is from an interview conducted on one Maria Lopez, an old housekeeper of yours. 'You remember her, DiNuzzo?" Tony nodded at the question, but said nothing else.

"She said she walked in on something when you were about 8 years old."

"Just spit it out, Tobias," Gibbs growled, wanting to hit Fornell for stretching this out. Fornell glared at Gibbs, but conceded.

"Alright, she said she was cleaning the upstairs bathroom when she heard crying and grunting noises come from your room. Thinking you had hurt yourself, she went to investigate. She said she opened your bedroom door and found your music teacher, Andrew Harper, on top of you in the bed. Both of you were naked and you were crying, pleading for it to end. Mrs. Lopez states that she informed your father and he threatened her to keep quiet or he would fire her and make sure she wouldn't find another job anywhere. I have several other interviews such as this, do I need to read them as well, or can we start talking?"

By the time Fornell finished talking, Tony was shaking despite his best efforts not to and Gibbs was trying to control his rage towards Fornell and not just kill him where he sat.

"Outside. Now." Gibbs hissed, making it clear he wasn't taking no for an answer. Fornell nodded and went outside before Gibbs had even stood up. Gibbs squeezed Tony's shoulder before following Fornell outside.

"What the hell do you think you're playing at?" Gibbs had to control every fiber in his being in order not to yell.

"Just doing my job, Jethro."

"The hell you are! Since when do we interview victims like we do criminals? Huh? What the hell is really going on here?"

"We're just trying to catch a killer, DiNuzzo is our only lead. He's an agent, he can handle it."

"In that room he's a victim of a vicious crime, Tobias! I'll get him to tell you everything you need to know but you've gotta stop pushing him or he's gonna start pushing back."

"Fine, I'll go easier on the kid," Fornell conceded after a long, uncomfortable silence filled with a weeks worth of death glares.

"I won't warn you again." Gibbs said as a parting before stepping back inside. Fornell sighed – honestly, he thought he'd been making it easier on the agent by telling him what he already knew, not harder. Damn, he hated cases like these.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Let's try this again, DiNuzzo," Fornell said once he'd come back in and sat down – Tony kept his eyes on the table, refusing to look up at Fornell or Gibbs. They could already see his weak behavior as he was shaking like a leaf, there was no need to show them the weakness in his eyes and on his face as well.

Gibbs glared at Fornell once more to remind him of what he'd said earlier, as well as promise him what he would do if Fornell crossed the line. Fornell gave a brief, nearly undetectable nod, showing he understood.

"When did the abuse start?" Fornell decided on a different approach; perhaps this would be easier for Tony. Tony tensed at the word 'abuse', not liking the sound of it at all, nor the way it was said so casually as if it hardly meant anything at all.

He took a deep breath and shakily exhaled it as he mentally tried to prepare himself for the things he was being forced to relive, things he'd never dealt with – demons he'd hidden away so deep it had almost felt inexistent.

With a small quivering voice he began to speak, "From what I remember, he seemed normal at first. He was friendly, I… I liked him, I guess," He said, faltering slightly on the word 'liked'.

"About 5 months after he was hired, my mother fell ill and began to drink heavily to compensate for the pain she felt, I suppose. My father spend all his free time with her, so I hardly saw my parents during that time. That's when things changed during my piano lessons, when H-Harper changed."

Tony paused; up until now he hadn't spoken about what happened to him yet, which had made it slightly easier to speak, but now he had to speak about the real horrors and he felt he couldn't. He just couldn't make his lips move, couldn't make himself speak. It was too much, too hard.

Gibbs saw the internal struggle Tony was going through, even if he couldn't see his face, and looked from Fornell to the camera to Tony and back to Fornell, Fornell nodded and left the room – seconds later the red light of the camera was turned off and Gibbs knew that it was just him and Tony now.

"Tony, look at me," Gibbs said, his tone soft and gentle, yet still commanding, knowing that it was what Tony needed right now. Slowly Tony lifted his face towards Gibbs who's heart ached at the sight of the anguish, pain and fear in Tony's eyes.

"I can't do this, Boss," Tony whispered shamefully – Gibbs tightened his hold on Tony's shoulder, which he'd been holding onto the entire time.

"You can, I know you can Tony. Just remember that I'm with you, every step of the way, no matter what. You don't have to do this alone anymore, son," Gibbs said and Tony nodded tearfully, touched by what Gibbs had just said. Even though Gibbs had made it clear on several occasions that he was there for Tony, he never fully allowed himself to believe it, until now. Gibbs knew Tony's worst, most shameful secret and he still stayed, he didn't leave.

"I'll try," Tony said and Gibbs nodded to the two way mirror, where he knew Fornell was watching. Luckily Gibbs had warned Ziva and McGee to stay away and mind their own business or else they would've been watching and listening as well, he had no doubt about that.

Fornell came back in, sat down and nodded at Tony, "Take your time, DiNuzzo."

"At first, I didn't realize what he was doing or maybe I didn't want to realize, I dunno. I was just a little kid who's parents had seemingly forgotten about and there was only one person who still seemed to show interest in me and that was Harper." Tony didn't stutter over Harper's name this time, though he said it in a barely audible whisper, as if he were scared the man in question would appear if he said his name too loudly. It was clear Tony had never let go of his fear of the man.

"You can do it, Tony," Gibbs whispered to him, giving him the strength he needed to continue.

"At first he started by giving me a hug when he came and went, nothing out of the ordinary, at least not in my childlike views. I was just happy that not everyone had forgotten about me. I think it was on my 5th birthday that I started to feel uneasy around him."

"What happened?" Fornell asked, trying to keep his voice soft as not to push the agent away, not now when he was finally opening up and telling him what he needed to know.

"My father was with my mother, as usual, and I was alone with Harper for my piano lesson. It started out the same as usual, he gave me a hug and proceeded with my lesson. It was when he left that he did it. He did it so many times after that they've all blended together, but I'll never forget that first time. I was shocked and confused and a little scared even. I was 5 years old, damn it, I had no idea what the hell was going on or what it even meant."

Gibbs tightened his hold on Tony's shoulder once more as he heard the anger and shame in his voice. He wished he could take Tony's pain away, make it all disappear but he knew that was impossible. He'd always carry this pain with him, there was no changing that.

"What did Harper do?" Fornell asked, sounding as if he'd rather not know the answer.

"He…," Tony took a deep breath and slowly exhaled, steadying himself, "He kissed me, briefly, on the lips. I didn't tell anyone back then as I didn't even understand it. I didn't know that what he was doing was wrong. I was such a goddamned idiot."

"Hey!" Gibbs' sharp outburst made Tony look up at his boss. "Don't degrade yourself like that. You were a kid, 5 years old, you had no way of knowing what was happening, not at that age." Tony shrugged at Gibbs' words; he still felt he should have known better, should have done more to stop it, even though the logical part of his brain was telling him otherwise.

"After that I guess you could say he became more touchy feely. He was always touching me after that, kissing me. The more time I spend with him the more scared I got. I tried to tell my mom, but she was either too drunk or too high to give a shit. I didn't tell my dad until much later, not that it mattered much either."

"How long before his behavior escalated?" Fornell asked, Tony shrugged.

"Not long, I guess. Couple of months, maybe. He must have figured that nobody really cared what he was doing, since he was still employed and given free reign with me after several months. That's when things turned to total shit, I suppose."

Tony paused for a long while; it was just so damn hard to say this, to even think about this in such detail, something he'd been trying his entire life not to do. Fornell must have realized how hard this was since when he spoke up next, he didn't speak about Harper.

"Why don't we all take an hour break, get something to eat. We'll continue later," He said; he knew he had to work fast to catch Harper, but it wouldn't do to push Tony too far too fast and have him shut down. He left then, allowing Gibbs and Tony some privacy.

"You okay?" Gibbs asked.

"No." Tony deadpanned, for once not having the energy to lie and say he was fine, as he always did. He wasn't fine and probably hadn't been fine in a long while, if ever. He wondered if he'd ever even be fine, if that was even possible.

"Come on, let's get some food," Gibbs said, cutting through his inner struggles. Tony silently followed after Gibbs, not in the mood to talk or put on his mask and act like the stupid goofy jock he always did. Right now he was just Tony, nothing more, nothing less. Just Tony.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"You haven't touched your burger," Gibbs commented lightly after a long silence; Tony shrugged.

"I'm not hungry," He said hoarsely. He felt like he'd throw up if he ate anything right now, even though he hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. Gibbs sighed and was about to try and get his SFA to eat when the ring of his phone went off. Grumbling he picked it up with his standard greeting of a gruffly spoken 'Gibbs'.

Tony watched as Gibbs' face turned even more moody than it already was as whoever was on the phone with him delivered some apparent bad news. He knew when he saw Gibbs' eyes flicker to him in concern that this news had to do with him and what was happening in his life right now. He just hoped it wasn't anything too bad.

Finally, Gibbs shut his phone and put it away all without having said a word. For a while Tony just stared at Gibbs waiting to see if he'd offer the bad news without any hesitation on his part, but it seemed as if Tony would have to give him a push.

"You gonna tell me or do I have to wait and find out the hard way?" He said, looking Gibbs firmly in the eye, feeling braver at the moment than he should, considering more bad news was on the way.

"The news is out," Gibbs said, clenching his jaw as he took in his SFA's reaction. Tony simply appeared to be confused as to the meaning of the words.

"The ne- OH… oh, the news is out," Tony repeated flatly once he understood what Gibbs had been saying. What color he had left on his face before was all gone now, leaving his face ashen.

"It doesn't matter, DiNozzo. Remember what I told you in the elevator, it doesn't matter. The important people will be there for you all the way and the rest can rot in hell for all I care," Gibbs said urgently, hoping to get through to his SFA/surrogate son, but Tony just listlessly shrugged his shoulders.

"We should head back. Take that burger with you incase you get hungry later." Again, Tony simply shrugged in response and Gibbs prayed to whatever deity there was that Tony would get through all this in one piece as he couldn't handle loosing him from his team or his life.

-X-X-

Gibbs was glad that they didn't have to go to through the bullpen to get to their interrogation room as they were using one a floor down, so this way they didn't have to face too many people yet. However the few people they did pass gave Tony wide-eyed shocked looks and some even gave him disgusted looks, though those nearly died of fright when Gibbs turned the full force of his glare upon them.

Fornell was already waiting for them when they returned to the room; he greeted Gibbs and Tony, but only Gibbs acknowledged him. Tony seemed to have closed off after receiving the news that his past was now public knowledge throughout the navy yard; he hadn't spoken a word since he'd been told and it was honestly beginning to frighten Gibbs and Gibbs was not a man to frighten easily.

"Ready to continue, DiNuzzo?" Fornell asked once they'd sat down; Tony shrugged and turned to look at the table top. Fornell exchanged a slightly concerned look with Gibbs who sighed sadly.

"Just remember what I said, Tony. None of them matter, not to you and not to the rest of the team. You can still do this, you're strong," Gibbs spoke to encourage him but Tony was unresponsive. Finally Gibbs motioned for Fornell to step outside.

"What are we gonna do now?" Fornell asked, Gibbs sighed.

"You need to shock him into a response. Be a bastard, be nice, I don't give a damn how you do it, just do it. Get him to react." With that said, Gibbs walked back into interrogation followed by Fornell who just realized exactly how hard such a case like this could be on the victim even years later. Well, Gibbs said to shock him into a response, so that's what he'd do, and he'd do it the only way he knew how to while hoping Gibbs wouldn't turn about and kill him for it.

"Do you want someone else to die, DiNuzzo? Is that it?" There, a small twitch of Tony's head; it wasn't much, but it was something. So Fornell continued.

"You know we need you to catch him, so why are you working against us? Do you want someone else to go through what you did, is that it? Make it so it's not all about you anymore. After all, if there's a new victim, there's a new direction for the spotlight to go to…," Fornell spoke and spoke, mindful of Gibbs resigned glare upon him, watching as Tony grew more tense with each second until finally he snapped.

"Stop it! Just fucking stop it already! Why the hell are you doing this to me? I didn't ask for this! Didn't ask for any of this! It's not my damn fault this happened so stop fucking pressuring me already!" He bellowed, breathing heavily toward the end of his speech as if he'd just run a 10mile marathon. Fornell nodded and Gibbs placed his hand back on Tony's shoulder; Tony looked at Gibbs.

"You're right, Tony, none of this is your fault. You've said it yourself now don't you forget it either. But they need your help, they need you to tell them the rest," Gibbs said softly, a voice he'd used more time in his life than people would believe. It's a tone of voice he used Shannon and Kelly, on Ducky and Abby – he'd even used it on Kate, Ziva and McGee a few select times when they were in trouble and needed it – and a voice he used many times when it came to Tony, the man he loved as much as he'd loved Kelly, the man who might as well have been his own son.

"Once he realized no one was going to stop him, he became more dangerous, more anxious, more aggressive." After Gibbs' words Tony simply began to speak and Fornell and Gibbs simply listened, nodding to each other for getting him out of his dark zone. Tony's voice was small and more childlike than man, but it really was to be expected when you thought about what he was saying. It was honestly the worst thing imaginable to Gibbs to have to listen too – a lot like when he had to listen to the news of what happened to Shannon and Kelly; the only difference was that he still had Tony, could still help him.

"The first time he wanted me to take my clothes off, he asked nicely, but I refused because I didn't understand why my piano teacher wanted me to take my clothes off and because I was scared. By that time I'd already begun to despise Harper – at least as much as a 5 year old can despise someone – for what he was doing to me and I sure as hell didn't trust him anymore… I no longer trusted him about anything.

"He got really angry at me when I refused and it was like someone flicked a switch 'cause he suddenly lost it and started kicking the shit out of me. I woke up a month later in the hospital with one of the kitchen chefs watching over me. Apparently Harper told my parents I'd decided I could fly and jumped off the roof, waking up without them by my side was my punishment for my foolishness – at least, that's what my father said to me once I was home again."

Tony's voice had gotten a dull edge to it, as if he were telling a story that had happened to someone else, not to himself. But Gibbs let him continue on like that because he knew this was the only way they'd get through it all.

"I was in the hospital for 3 more months before they released me – I won't bore you with the details of my injuries, let's just say I got better eventually. During all that time I never once saw my parents, never even got a phone call from them. The only ones I saw were their staff and off course Harper, who visited regularly.

"After I woke up in the hospital and I saw Harper for the first time, I was no longer afraid of him, I was terrified and he knew it. I honest to God thought he would kill me next time. From that moment on I feared for my life every time he was in the vicinity. He had me right where he wanted me."

"What happened after you were released from the hospital?" Fornell asked – he didn't bother asking for the list of Tony's injuries; he could easily find that out through hospital records, it wasn't important now. It did shed new light onto Harper's behavior though – it showed that the violence he possessed when he murdered Anton DiMarro was not a new development to his behavior; he'd nearly beaten Tony to death by the sound of it. It must have made it even more exiting for him when Tony survived his assault.

"Harper left me alone for a couple more weeks until I was completely recovered from what he'd done to me. Then, he asked me to undress, just like first time and just like the first time I refused, albeit much more terrified than the first. That time he didn't get angry; he just smiled and whispered a few words in my ear. Just a few words, that was all It took.," Tony trailed off sadly, self disgust evident in his voice.

"Tony, do you remember what he said to you?" Gibbs questioned softly, Tony nodded tersely.

He said next time he'd use a baseball bat – he wasn't kidding."

"He hit you with a baseball bat?" Gibbs whispered horrified, Tony nodded.

"Not that time, but another time when I wouldn't do what he said. Yeah, he used a bat," Tony whispered, more horrified than Gibbs as he remembered that particular event in his life.

"What happened after Harper said those words?" Fornell asked, bringing both Gibbs and Tony back to the present. Tony looked down ashamed.

"I took my clothes off," He whispered so quietly it was barely audible, though the shame in his voice was easily distinguishable. Those words really hit Gibbs hard, as if it was only now real and not just some nightmare.

'_Ah Tony,' _He thought, _'Why'd it have to be you? Why couldn't you just catch a break.'_


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N: So sorry it took me so long to update, but I've been prettty sick and in and out of the hospital the last couple of months and simply didn't have the energy to work on my stories ontop of everything else. I'm doing better now and will continue to update more frequently as of now. Hope you like the new chapter._**

_"I took my clothes off," He whispered so quietly it was barely audible, though the shame in his voice was easily distinguishable. Those words really hit Gibbs hard, as if it was only now real and not just some nightmare._

_'Ah Tony,' He thought, 'Why'd it have to be you? Why couldn't you just catch a break.'_

**Chapter 6**

"It wasn't your fault, Tony," Gibbs felt the need to once again reassure his agent as the look of shame and guilt on his face was nearly unbearable to look at.

Fornell cleared his throat and looked slightly apologetic as he posed his next question, "Was that the first time he raped you?" Tony froze momentarily, but shook it off quickly as he shook his head.

"He just touched me… everywhere… I think he enjoyed drawing the process out, see me squirm. Harper is a sadistic bastard." Tony was fidgeting in his seat, unable to sit still, but his voice was steady and emotionless, chilling to the bone.

"It continued like that for nearly a year – I was almost nearly 7 when things changed again. That's when he used the baseball bat on me," Tony offered, but didn't elaborate. God, he wished he could just make this all stop, make it all disappear and go back to pretending it was never more than a bad dream.

Gibbs and Fornell shared a look, trying to decide if they should take another break, give Tony some breathing space, but eventually decided that would only prolong his suffering – it was best to get this over with as soon as possible. The sooner they caught this guy, the sooner it would be over for all of them.

"Tell me about it, DiNuzzo," Fornell said in his gruff tone of voice. Tony sighed but relented.

"I thought it was gonna be like any other day; he'd command me to take my clothes off and he'd spend my 'piano lesson' touching every part of me. I'd gotten so used to it at that point that I'd just let him do his thing while I pretended I was somewhere else, somewhere nice. I've always been good at pretending.

"But he didn't say it, instead he took his pants and underwear off and told me to perform oral sex on him; he used different wording off course. I'd closed my eyes and felt sick to my stomach. I actually screamed at him that I'd bite if he came near me, I was such an idiot."

Gibbs could understand how Tony had felt sick, he actually felt sick from just hearing it. He honestly didn't know how Tony did it, how he still held such high morals and trust in people. Gibbs wasn't sure he'd have been able to be so strong.

"Was that when he used the bat?" Fornell asked, taking notes of every important detail as well as the timeline. Every little bit of information could help bring them one step closer to catching this bastard.

Tony nodded, "He redressed himself and left the room for a couple of minutes. I should have run and hide while I had the chance, but I was scared that would only make matters worse for me so I stayed. And then he came back.

"I started begging him to leave me alone as soon as I saw the bat in his hands. I even told him I'd do as he said as long as he didn't hurt me. He told me I needed to be punished for my transgressions. He hit me three times in the stomach, broke 5 of my ribs, bruised the others.

"That's when I told my dad everything that had happened and he did nothing. He just walked away and called our personal physician to come and take care of my ribs. I think that's the first time I realized I was all alone in the world and no one would save me. I pretty much let go of all my childish ideals right then and there."

Fornell swallowed; this was harder than he'd imagined it would be. Hearing every single detail of a case like this was sickening and he couldn't help but think of Emily and what he would do if this ever happened to her. He knew he'd hunt the son of a bitch down and kill him deader than dead and then to hear that Tony's father didn't do a single damn thing made him furious. He knew he wouldn't want to be the man if Gibbs ever met him, because Gibbs was sure to tear him apart for everything he did to Tony, even if it was simply ignoring what was in front of him. But it was more than that, wasn't it? He helped Harper, threatened anyone who found out to keep quiet, even going as far as to buy their silence in some cases.

Tony could see Gibbs and Fornell were fuming and while this would be the perfect time to try and distract them, he knew he had to do this, get it all out once and for all. So he continued to speak, wanting to get this over with, "My ribs were only halfway healed when he once again commanded me to perform oral sex on him. This time I obliged; I didn't want to be hurt again. I had no idea what I was doing – I could barely see because I was crying so much and I had to force myself not to throw up, 'cause that was all I wanted to do."

Tony took a deep breath, exhaled, then continued, forcing all his emotions to the side for he couldn't deal with them at that moment, "My mom slit her wrists on my 8th birthday; I found her body on my bed. There was no note, no explanation why she chose my room, my bed, just her lifeless dead body."

Tony's hands shook as he remember that day and tried not to feel anything; he relaxed slightly when Gibbs placed his hand over his, offering the comfort he could.

"It was the day of her funeral and my father left me at home with Harper. He told me that since I was the reason mom killed herself I didn't deserve to say goodbye to her. Harper was to watch over me the entire day. He… that was the first time he r-raped me."

"On the day of your mother's funeral?" Fornell asked, and just when he thought he couldn't be more appalled – Tony nodded.

"Lets take a break," Fornell said, not for Tony's sake but for his own, because he was sure to throw up if he listened to one more word right then. Fornell walked out of the room and the red light of the camera turned off, but Tony and Gibbs stayed where they were.

"I need a cup of coffee. Can I get you something?" Gibbs asked; off course he normally wasn't this nice (at least not on the job) but right now he didn't give a damn about his reputation; right now he just needed to be there for his friend, help him through this.

"Whisky?" Tony joked, even though he wasn't so sure if he was joking or not.

"Coffee it is," Gibbs retorted. "It's almost over Tony. We'll get you through this," He threw over his shoulder before he went in search of coffee. As he walked through the building a lot of whispered conversations suddenly halted as he passed by and he shuddered to think of what they were saying, or what it would do to Tony when the whispered reached him, because they would, they always did.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: I know I started this story a long time ago and I left it unattended for a very long time. There was just some stuff that happened in my life and I stopped writing for a while, a long while. But I'm writing again now and enjoying it now more than ever. I'm even taking a writing course, that's how dedicated I am now. I will not abandon this story again. And I hope you can forgive me and understand that I simply couldn't find it in me to write for a while. Sometimes personal things can get in the way. Anyways, for those who still want to read this story, I hope you like it.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7<strong>

Tony wallowed in his own misery while he was alone in the dark lit interrogation room. He wanted nothing more than to go home, crawl under the covers in bed and hide from the world forever. He never prepared for this, ever. He'd always pushed the memories as far back as they could go, pretending they didn't happen, pretending it had all been a bad dream. But he couldn't pretend anymore. It did happen and for the first time in his life he had to face that, but he didn't know how he would survive this. He was barely able to stay afloat now as it was.

"Here, drink it while it's hot." He startled when Gibbs appeared next to him carrying two cups of steaming coffee. He'd been so lost in his thoughts he hadn't even heard the door open or Gibbs walk in. You'd think after everything he went through he'd be more aware of his surroundings, but apparently that was not the case.

Tony wanted to say something, anything to get rid of this uncomfortable silence he and Gibbs had fallen in, but his mind was empty. What could he say? There were no words that could make this better, nothing could make this right. So why even bother and try? It was useless.

This time, Tony didn't startle when Fornell walked in, but he did stiffen up a little. Fornell was the reason he had to do this. Fornell started this, he thought angrily. He sighed; he knew that wasn't true. Harper was the reason this all happened. But Harper wasn't here and Tony desperately needed someone available to blame, and Fornell was his closest target. He glared at the offending FBI agent, wishing he'd just disappear and leave him alone.

Fornell cleared his throat. "Shall we continue?"

Tony swallowed the lump in his throat, took a deep breath to prepare himself and began to speak, his voice detached from any emotion, "After the funeral, things stayed the same for a long time. Usually if I did what Harper said he wouldn't hurt me much, but sometimes he'd flip out and beat the living daylights out of me. Everyone in the house knew – no one did a damn thing about it."

Gibbs squeezed Tony's shoulder, letting him know he was there for him no matter what. Tony cast a grateful look at Gibbs before he forced himself to continue. There was no use in prolonging the inevitable, after all.

"I was about 10 years old when he first took me to the cabin."

"What cabin?" Fornell interrupted. In all their research on Harper they'd found nothing indicating he owned a cabin. If he did, he might be holed up there. This might be the break that they were looking for.

"A cabin somewhere deep in the woods. I have no idea where it is. He always blindfolded and drugged me when he took me there. I couldn't lead you there even if I tried." Tony seemed angry with himself, he hated feeling so helpless and useless. If only he could remember the cabin's location, then maybe all of this could be over.

Fornell barely suppressed a sigh of disappointment. Off course Harper would cover his tracks. If he had a secret hide away he'd make damn sure no one knew about it. Fornell and Gibbs traded a look – Gibbs' look clearly stated he would kill him if he antagonized Tony in any way over this. But he wouldn't do that. He knew Tony was at no fault here.

"What happened at the cabin?" He asked. Tony shrugged.

"The first days were just the same as usual, only it was in a different location. I was idiotic enough to think he brought me there so he could have more privacy. I was such a fool," Tony all but moaned in despair. His hands were shaking, his skin was pale white and he looked as if he might throw up at any moment. During the entire course of the questioning, Tony had never looked worse. Something bad had happened he hadn't told Gibbs and Fornell about yet and it was clearly causing him not only emotional but physical pain as well.

"Tony, son, look at me," Gibbs commanded quietly, not wanting to alarm Tony. The man in question looked up at his surrogate father, his eyes filled with shame, hatred, fear, despair and so many other fleeting emotions Gibbs had trouble identifying.

"Why did Harper bring you to the cabin?" Gibbs feared the answer he would get, feared it would be worse than anything else they'd heard so far. He hated having to ask this of his son, he hated to see the pain he was in. But there was no choice – they had to know.

Tony ducked his head in shame, tears glistening in his eyes. There was a long, pregnant pause wherein no man dared to speak. Finally, Tony steeled himself and spoke the condemning words, "For the others."

It seemed as if the very air in the room froze as the two senior men digested this answer. _For the others. _Dear God, Harper hadn't been the only one. There had been others. Now more than ever Gibbs wondered how Tony had survived this, how this broken child had turned out to become such a great man. It was unbelievable.


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N: I thought long and hard about what I was going to do with this chapter and I finally came to something I like. It took me a while to write it, but I like the end result. Basically the interview with Fornell continues and Gibbs and Tony have a heartfelt conversation in the basement (you know we all love those). I also tried to make this chapter longer, I think I succeeded at least a bit. Well, I hope you like it and enjoy._**

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><p><em>It seemed as if the very air in the room froze as the two senior men digested this answer.<em>_For the others.__Dear God, Harper hadn't been the only one. There had been others. Now more than ever Gibbs wondered how Tony had survived this, how this broken child had turned out to become such a great man. __It was unbelievable.'_

**Chapter**** 8**

"Tell me about the others," Fornell said, knowing this might be their only chance to get to Harper. If Tony could identify at least one of the others, then that person could lead them to the cabin, which in turn could possibly lead them to Harper. This was the break they'd been waiting for.

"Most of them were a one time kinda deal, you know, get in, get out, never come back again. But, there were a few regulars. I don't know how much I can tell you about them, though. I was never very lucid during those times. For some reason he always kept me drugged up when the others came, I don't know why." Tony was fidgeting with the buttons on his shirt, looking anywhere but at the two senior agents in the room. He didn't know how long he could keep this up – the more he told, the more he remembered, the more he wished he were dead and this all was over. It wasn't a good feeling to have.

"Tony, do you remember any names? Any faces?" Gibbs asked, disheartened by the struggle he saw his surrogate son go through. He wished he could trade places with Tony, just so he could spare him the pain of this all. He too prayed this would be over soon and he could start by trying to fix his son's broken spirit. Because his spirit was broken, Gibbs saw it in his eyes – Tony was ready to give up.

"I… maybe. I dunno. It's all muddled." Tony took a deep breath, frustrated with himself. He couldn't help them – he was useless! He was everything his father and Harper had always said he was. Why couldn't he ever do anything right?!

"Hey, stop that right now," Gibbs gave him a soft slap on the head. Tony turned to look at him and saw only compassion, love and understanding in his eyes. "You can do this, Tony. Just close your eyes and think back to that time. I know it's hard, but it might be what we need to end this. You with me?" Tony nodded shakily and frightened and closed his eyes.

"Ok, think back to the smells, the sounds, the sights. What do you see, Tony?" Gibbs soft voice had a calming effect through Tony, even throughout the terror he now felt as he tried to remember back. Gibbs was here, he'd protect him, he had his six.

"It's cold and damp. Dark. I… I hear birds and, and howling in the distance. A wolf, maybe? It smells like old, rotten wood and trees, lots of trees. And beer and different cheap colognes. It's nauseating." Throughout this Tony kept his eyes closed, lost in the past, trying to find anything that could help them. Meanwhile Fornell sat back and let Gibbs take the lead on this. If anyone could coach the kid through this, it would be the marine.

"And where are you Tony?" Tony's breathing was shallow as he envisioned himself back in that awful place with the monsters of his nightmares. The way they were doing this, it felt like he was right back there again, stuck in a never ending horror show. The only thing that kept him from freaking out was Gibbs' voice in his ear and his hand on his shoulder.

"I'm on the bed. M-my hands are tied to the bedpost – the rope's too tight, I can't move them. And h-he's there. He's always there," Tony's voice sounded so much younger than he was, as if he truly were a child again. Gibbs hated that he had to make Tony go through this and he'd never forgive himself for the pain it was causing his son, no matter that it had to be done.

"Harper?" Gibbs questioned, though he didn't have to. He already knew the answer to his question. Tony simply nodded.

"He liked to watch," He said softly. He kept his eyes closed as he kept seeing flash after flash of his past life in the cabin. No one spoke for several minutes until finally Tony opened his eyes.

"There's one I remember more clearly than any of the others. He was the most frequent to come. I think his name was Nigel, but I'm not a 100% sure," Tony exclaimed. He couldn't believe he had forgotten about that bastard; he'd been almost as bad as Harper. The others were just sick perverts looking for an easy way to get off, but Nigel (if that was his name) had taken extra pleasure in seeing Tony suffer.

"Do you think you can describe him to a sketch artist?" Fornell asked, exited. If they could manage to ID and find this guy, they might be able to find the cabin and possibly Harper as well. This was the closest lead they had so far. Tony contemplated this, trying to conjure up Nigel's face before him. It wasn't easy, everything from that time was one drug induced haze.

Eventually, Tony nodded, "I think so, yeah, I could try."

"Good, we'll get a sketch artist in here right away. After that you can go home, take a break. We've got enough for the day," Fornell said, before getting up to leave to find the sketch artist.

Gibbs gave Tony a soft, proud smile, "You did good, son."

Tony swallowed the tears threatening to escape him. He's tried so hard to gain his father's approval when he was a child – and approval he never could have gotten from that monster – and when he didn't get it, he gave it up all together. He never expected to find a true father, to learn the true meaning of fatherly love, but he had. Gibbs had taught him so much, not just at work but on a personal level as well. He still didn't think he deserved Gibbs' love for him, but he had never been more grateful for it than he was for anything else in his life. And without him, he probably wouldn't have survived any of this, but with him, he figured he might just stand a chance.

After Tony had met with the sketch artist, Gibbs took him home, luckily avoiding any people on the way out of the building. He had no idea how he was supposed to act around people now that they all knew. He couldn't just go back to his frat boy persona, why would buy that act now? It was something he was hoping to avoid for at least another while, he had enough to deal with as it was.

As Tony sat on the couch lost in thought, Gibbs was busy preparing his famous cowboy style steaks, he knew how much Tony loved those and he figured the kid deserved something nice after all he was going through.

"Do you think things will ever go back to normal again after all of this?" Tony's voice carried through to him and he paused in his movements, unsure of what to say – he didn't want to scare Tony off, but he didn't want to lie to him either.

"Not gonna lie to you, Tony, things will be different from here on out. But you'll adapt, just like you always do and I'll be there every step of the way," he said, Tony sighed.

"Yeah, that's what I thought." He sounded frustrated, angry and scared, all normal considering the circumstances. It was quiet for a while as Gibbs finished the steaks and went to sit on the couch next to Tony, handing him his plate as he did. They ate in silence, Tony unsure of what to say and Gibbs not wanting to say anything that would spoil Tony's appetite – it was the first time in days that Tony was actually eating as he should. They drank beer with their steak, but Gibbs was already prepared to get out the bourbon later – he knew Tony needed to get some things off his chest and he figured bourbon would help loosen him up a little.

"Come on," Gibbs said after dinner, standing up and heading to the basement. Tony followed without a moment's hesitation, just as Gibbs knew he would. They always did their best talking in the basement while Gibbs worked on the boat and Tony sat on the bottom step drinking – it was an unconventional method, but it worked for them.

Gibbs worked in silence for over half an hour, giving Tony time to think – also, he wanted Tony a little bit buzzed for this conversation; he was always more open then than at any other time. It wasn't a very ethical move, but Tony needed to talk about this, he needed to start letting go of it in order to move past it, in order to survive this.

"Lets see, I've already have several beers, 3, almost 4 glasses of bourbon. How much more do I have to drink until you're satisfied I'll talk?" Tony suddenly asked and Gibbs stiffened; he should have known Tony would figure out his plan, he could always read him so well.

"Depends. You ready to talk yet?" Gibbs retorted, Tony huffed and shrugged his shoulders.

"I feel like dying. How's that for talking?" Tony took another sip of his bourbon as he waited for a reply. He didn't know what Gibbs would think about this, would he think he was weak for wanting to give up? He didn't think so, but he was still scared to find out.

"It's a start," Gibbs said after a few moments of silence. "What else is going on in that head of yours?" He asked. Gibbs was anything but a shrink – he actually loathed shrinks – but Tony needed to talk to someone and Gibbs knew he would never talk to a professional, or anyone else of the team, so he was it. He had to be Tony's sounding board, his confidant. He had to be the one to help Tony through this. Gibbs didn't like talking, never had, never would, but if talking was what would help his son, then he'd talk for the rest of his life if he had to.

"I dunno, there's just… there's so many things and I don't know where to start. I'm scared, Gibbs," Tony said as Gibbs poured him some more bourbon.

"Can't tell you what to say. But you gotta say something. Can't keep it all bottled up anymore Tony, gonna destroy you if you do," Gibbs replied, not looking up from the work he was doing on the boat. He wanted Tony to feel at ease and this was how Tony was at his most comfortable, when they acted just like this.

"I'm scared that the media is gonna find out about this. I'm surprised it hasn't leaked yet now that everyone knows. Probably only a matter of time. I'm afraid that everyone's going to blame me for what happened, for what _he _did."

Gibbs did look up this time and stared at Tony with an intense, burning look in his eyes. He walked over to Tony, crouched down to his level, grabbed his shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. "None of this is your fault, you hear me! I don't ever wanna hear you talk like that again. You know damn well that none of what happened is to blame on you. You didn't create those sick bastards. You didn't make them do anything. You were just a kid and you were supposed to be loved and protected. _That's _the way it is. Got it?"

Tony nodded, slightly stunned by the intense speech his father figure had just made. Gibbs had always been known to be intense, but he'd never been known to make speeches like this. It touched him that Gibbs was changing his ways just to be there for him. He'd never felt more safe or loved than he did in that moment.

Gibbs nodded as well, apparently satisfied by what he saw in Tony's eyes because he got back up without a word and went back to work on the boat and Tony knew that that was his cue to get back to the talking.

"You know, I'm actually relieved in a way. Just 'cause now you know and it's not just my secret anymore. Kinda makes me feel less alone." Tony paused, but Gibbs didn't speak. He knew Gibbs was giving him time to talk, and he was there to listen. Sure, Gibbs would insert something if he felt the need, but right now this was to get Tony to unload, so he wouldn't carry it all inside anymore.

Tony took a deep breath as he prepared himself mentally to continue to speak. The alcohol he was consuming was a great help with that; he'd never be able to say all these things if he were completely sober. "I've also never felt more ashamed. I mean, I've always felt ashamed because of what happened, but no one knew. Well, people knew, but not the important people in my life, you know. And now that everyone knows, I just don't know how to look anyone in the eye anymore. What is everyone going to think of me now?"

Gibbs didn't even need to think of what to say, he automatically knew the answer to that because it's what he felt. "They're going to think you're an incredible man. You went through hell with no one to support you and you came out a hero, Tony. You put your life on the line everyday and you do it with such grace and selflessness, it's humbling actually. You overcame the odds and you're one of the best people I've ever met. The people who know you, the ones who truly know who you are, they're gonna be even more amazed by you than they already are."

Tony's cheeks flushed at the praise and he had to look away. Having never received any while he was growing up, he was never very comfortable accepting it now. But it helped hearing this. Gibbs always knew the right things to say to him. Hell, hours earlier he was contemplating suicide when all this was over and now he was actually seeing a way to get through this. Sure, it wasn't going to be easy, not by a long shot, but having Gibbs in his life and the others of the team was a reason to keep going.

"I can get through this," he said in wonder, it was the first time he actually believed that to be true.

"Yeah you are, you just keep talking and I'll keep listening. We'll get you through this," Gibbs said, content that Tony was actually seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for once.

"You know I'm scared to death that Harper's out there. I mean, I don't think he'll actually come after me; I'm not his type anymore. But still…," Tony finally admitted his fears, something he'd been keeping inside since he'd heard the news about Harper.

"I won't let him hurt you again, Tony. He's not getting anywhere near you," Gibbs said, not a single speck of doubt in his voice.

"I think I'll head to bed now, I'm tired." Tony stood up, stretching his numb legs as he did so. He didn't want to talk anymore tonight; he just wanted to try and sleep, hopefully nightmare free this time.

"I'll be here if you need me," Gibbs felt the need to say – he knew Tony knew that, but he felt he needed to keep saying it for Tony to truly understand it.

"I know," Tony said softly as his parting words before disappearing up the stairs, leaving Gibbs alone with his boat to think of everything that had happened so far. He was glad that Tony was seeing that he could get through this, but he feared that this was only temporary, that tomorrow he'd go back to feeling lost and unsure of how he could survive all this.

He knew that this was not the end of it, not by a long shot. There would be many more hurdles for Tony to cross and many would be difficult beyond belief, but he'd be there for his son every step of the way. The thought even crossed his mind of taking Tony to Stillwater to see Jackson Gibbs once this was all over. He knew Tony liked Jack and vice versa, it might be good for him. He'd talk it over with Tony when this was all over and done with. Now he just had to make sure Tony was able to get through it.


End file.
